Protest JOW #1225

Our current society is all aboil with protest groups advocating for all sorts of rights for many different aggrieved groups who feel their rights have been abrogated.  I am convinced that if there were a zombie apocalypse there would be zombie activists.  So, this week I have some jokes and quips about protests.

 

First there were BLM protesters and now Trump supporters.

Looks like orange is the new black.

 

Protesters in Paris just attacked a fromagerie (cheese shop)

There's nothing left but de brie.

 

Why do the Hong Kong police like to show up to work early?

They like to beat the crowds.

I know dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old. 

 

“I’m seeing things Doc!” protested the mental patient.

“Well, I ain’t no optometrist, but I think that’s what’s meant to happen.” Replied the psychologist.

 

How do you know that workers in factory that produces M&M's are protesting?

They start painting the M letters upside-down.

How do you know that workers in factory that produces M&M's are protesting harder?
They paint the M letters upside down on the wrong side of the chocolate candy.

 

Following the protests, Iran has announced a controversial move to close outdoor markets.

Experts have described the move as a bazaar decision.

 

If you hate something you protest about it.

If you love something you anti-test about it.

 

Why are monks so good at protesting?

The more ohms you have, the greater the resistance.

 

Eco-activists, as a protest, splashed paint on a famous Jackson Pollock painting.

No one noticed.

 

What do you call a small protest against dumping trash in North Carolina’s capital?

A little Raleigh Litter Rally — literally!

 

My friend Dante was a big PETA booster, but suddenly stoped supporting them.

Dante’s in fur now.

 

A man is protesting in the Red Square in Moscow

He holds up a sign that says, "The President is an idiot".
Within 10 minutes the secret police come to arrest him.
"But I'm not talking about President Putin!" he protests. "I'm talking about the American President."
"Nice try," says the secret police, "we know who the idiot is."

 

A group of deaf people get together to protest.

The group begins chanting
“What do we want?”
“Hearing aids!”
When do we want them?”
“Hearing aids!”

 

A group of procrastinators get together to protest.

The group begins chanting
“What do we want?”
“World Peace”
When do we want it?”
“Oh, someday….”

 

Another group was protesting:

“What do we want”

“Time travel”

“When do we want it?”

“It’s irrelevant.”

 

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

 

A couple of friends of mine, one black, one white, were at a protest and wondered which carbonated drink makes the police the most peaceful. Turns out it really is Pepsi. You see, my white friend went up to the front of the protest and shouted to the cops "Anybody wanna buy some Pepsi?!" and the cops were all chill and happy, some even bought a can or two. But then my black friend went up to the front and shouted "Anybody wanna buy some coke?!"

 

Some off topic jokes

 

“What’s your name son?” asked the teacher.

“Da da da David, sir.”

“So, you have a stutter?”

“No sir, my dad had a stutter but the guy who filled out my birth certificate was a real jerk.”

 

I saw two dudes wearing matching outfits and eating donuts together.  I told them they were a cute couple.  They threatened to arrest me.

 

It’s about time to pull those steaks off the grill.  My neighbor just went inside, and I don’t think he can see me.

 

If a jalapeno gets a visit from a Carolina Reaper, does he become a Ghost Pepper

 

Scuffle.  Brawl.  Melee.  Altercation.   Them’s fightin’ words.

What do you call someone who attends both catholic and protestant church services?

They're bisectual

 

Iris‌‌h daughter‌ left home unexpectedly and did not return for ‌‌five years‌‌. When she returned, he‌‌r Fathe‌‌r was most upset at her.

“Where have you been all this time‌‌, child‌‌? Why di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Why‌‌didn’t'‌‌ y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n y‌‌e no‌‌t understand y‌‌e putt ye‌‌r old Mothe‌‌r through?‌‌"
‌‌Th‌‌e girl‌‌, crying‌‌, replied‌‌, "Dad.‌. ‌‌I became‌‌e ‌‌a prostitute.‌‌"
‌‌"Y‌‌e what!‌‌? Ge‌‌t out ‌‌a here‌‌, y‌‌e Sinner‌‌! You’re ‌‌a disgrace t‌‌o this Catholic family.‌‌"
‌‌"OK‌‌, Dad..‌‌. a‌‌s y‌‌e wish‌‌. ‌‌I only cam‌‌e bac‌‌k t‌‌o give Mu‌‌m this fu‌‌r coat‌‌, ‌‌. For m‌‌y little brother‌‌, this gold Rolex‌‌. An‌‌d fo‌‌r you Daddy‌‌, a ne‌‌w Mercede‌‌s.  And I want to invite y‌‌e al‌‌l t‌‌o spend Ne‌‌w Year'‌‌s Ev‌‌e o‌‌n boar‌‌d m‌‌y ne‌‌w yacht.‌‌"
‌‌"Wha‌‌t was it ye say y‌‌e ha‌‌d become?"‌‌, say‌‌s Dad‌‌.
‌‌Girl‌‌, crying again‌‌, "‌‌A prostitute‌‌, Daddy!‌‌"
‌‌"Oh‌‌! M‌‌y Goodness‌‌! Y‌‌e scare‌‌d m‌‌e half t‌‌o death‌‌, girl‌‌! ‌‌I though‌‌t y‌‌e said ‌‌a Protestant‌‌! Com‌‌e her‌‌an‌‌d give ye‌‌r old Da‌‌d ‌‌a hug!‌‌"

 

I have been writing some dialog lately.  Here is an example.

The tough guy spits mouthful of blood onto the floor.

“You have become more powerful since last we crossed paths, doctor.”

Dentist: “Please stop.  There is a sink right next to you.’

 

Some drink deeply from the well of knowledge.

Others just rinse and spit.