Silver Alert JOW #1260

Sometimes I see so-called Silver Alerts which are used when old people wander off from their caretakers.  Lately I think we may need to put out a Silver Alert on Joe Biden.  Since the party rejected his bid for a second term he has vanished from the scene.  I have never known a sitting president of the US to completely disappear like that. Biden is like the Spanish magician who gets up on and says, "Uno, Dos..." and *Poof* ... He disappears without a Tres.

We had a better idea of where his VP was; after the election she was on a beach in Hawaii sipping Mai Tais.  Although his wife has been in the news, Joe has vanished from the scene almost completely and the network news hasn’t mentioned him in weeks, yet things seem to keep ticking along.  I guess it is true – any fool can run the country.  Anyway, here are some jokes about missing and disappearing things.

 

What do you call a disappearing President?

Hocus POTUS

 

What did McDonalds call their new disappearing sandwich?

The Biden Burger

 

Joe Biden is like a web browser with 19 tabs open; seventeen are frozen and he doesn't know where the music is coming from

 

Joe Biden had a meeting with the Cabinet today

He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.

 

Maybe they should dress Biden in a red and white striped shirt like Waldo.  I remember some Waldo jokes:

 

Why is Waldo’s shirt striped?

He doesn’t want to be spotted.

 

Why did Waldo and Carmen Sandiego get jobs at Home Depot?

Because you can never find anyone who works there.

 

Why did Waldo meditate

To find himself

 

Waldo is working out at the gym

He sees another guy there and asks, "hey man, can you spot me?"
The guy says: "Well I'll try my best, but it might take me a while."

 

What is Waldo's least favorite dish?

Fondue!

 

Why did Waldo go into therapy?

To find himself

 

Waldo once insulted Chuck Norris

Which is why Waldo is hiding

 

I named my TV remote Waldo.

For obvious reasons.

 

Try this prank.

Step 1: Go to Starbucks.

Step 2: Order your coffee.

Step 3: Tell them your name is Waldo.
Step 4: Leave.

 

Knock knock

Who's there?
Waldo.
Waldo?! Where in the world have you been?! We've been looking everywhere for you!

 

Which got me thinking about disappearances in general.

 

How do you make a one disappear?

Add a G and it’s gone.

 

Did you hear about the magician who made an art gallery disappear?

Now museum, now you don't.

 

My water disappeared

It shall be mist

 

Marvel supervillain Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

 

Which made me think of the DC comic joke:

A man goes up to Professor X and says he'd like to join the X-Men. 'Sure,' Professor X says. 'What's your ability?'

'I have perfect hindsight,' the man says.

Professor X frowns. 'I really don't think that's going to help us much.'

'Yeah,' the man replies, 'I can see that now.'

 

A man calls the police and reports that his girlfriend has gone missing

A male and a female police officer turn up at his house and begin to interview him. The female officer asks the man if he has any theories on where she might be. The man responds with “This is going to sound weird, but I think she disappeared into the magic coffee table”
The officers look confused and ask him to elaborate. “It’s really strange but whenever I leave things on this coffee table they disappear and reappear somewhere else. When I leave take out containers on it they disappear and reappear in the trash. When I leave dirty plates and mugs on it, they disappear and reappear in the cupboards washed, dried and stacked neatly. When I leave my dirty clothes on it they disappear! and reappear cleaned and neatly folded on my bed” The female police officer looks at the man and says “You’re an idiot. No wonder your girlfriend has left you.”

And the male officer says “I don’t think she’s left him. I think he’s right. I’ve got a coffee table like that at my house, too.”

 

One friend complains to another, “All my husband and I do any more is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.”
“If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asks the other friend.
“I’d like to lose another 15 pounds first.”

 

Two criminals are taking a walk deep in the woods one dark night.
“Boy, it sure is creepy out here,” says the first outlaw.
“How do you think I feel?” replied his companion. “I have to walk back alone.” 

 

And finally, a variation on one of my favorite jokes:

A horse walks into a bar; the bartender asks, "Hello, do you want a beer?"

The horse responds, "I think not," and promptly disappears.

Now, admittedly, this joke only makes sense if you are familiar with the French Enlightenment philosopher, Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am." The horse thought not, and therefore wasn't...
But if I had explained that first, I would have been putting Descartes before the horse.