Semi-Intelligent JOW #1278

I am fond of Occam’s Razor which essentially states that the simplest explanation of something is usually correct.  I have recently become enamored of Hanlon’s Razor which states: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.  So much of the misery in the world can be explained by people doing dumb things.  Maybe that is why there is such a push for Artificial Intelligence.  The opposite of Artificial Intelligence is …Real Stupidity, and Lord knows we have a surplus of that!  Here are a few jokes on the topic of Artificial Intelligence.

 

I hear they’ve made a new artificially intelligent Oreo.

It’s one smart cookie.

 

When the first device with AI takes a picture of itself …It’ll be selfie aware.

 

Some ideas are so stupid that only intellectuals believe them.  – George Orwell

 

I have got to stop saying “How stupid can you be?”  Some people seem to be taking it as a challenge.

 

Scientists predict human-level artificial intelligence by 2040.

Maybe sooner if the bar keeps dropping.

 

If an AI simulation of a pop singer performs all over the world …

Does that mean she passes the touring test?

 

Where do all the evil advanced computers, AI, and Skynets that terrorize humanity in the movies go to live when they retire?
Cyberia.

 

My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life.  However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.

I guess you can say it’s an autobiography.

 

Two pirates have just finished developing a machine with the ability to think and learn.
The first pirate says, "This is amazing! You should come up with a name for this."
The second pirate says, "AI, captain!"

 

Old Henry Graber's son, Abraham, became the first Amish software engineer.

He was one of the pioneers of AI voices. But he was let go because they were too hoarse and buggy.

 

An AI algorithm walks into a bar...

and says "I'll have what everyone else is having."

 

The new Russian AI application

ChatKGB - it's asking all the questions, and you are obligated to answer them,

 

Arguing with stupid people is like playing chess with a pigeon.  No matter how well you play the bird will sh1t on the board and strut around like it won.

 

Scientist: Yessss!!!! After years of work, I have finally created the perfect AI humanoid. This robot has its own brain and can think and do exactly like a human being. Can't wait to try it out.
He switches humanoid on and thinks of a challenging task
Scientist: I would like you to go on the internet net, prepare mathematical skills and solve the equation on the board just like a human would.

The humanoid goes on the computer and starts to work. Meanwhile, the scientist leaves for lunch and hopes for a result by the time he comes.
Two hours later, the scientist walks in to find the humanoid watching Friends on Netflix while simultaneously posting his beliefs for Flat Earth Society on Facebook.

The scientist throws up his arms and yells. "Success".

 

Ode to the Artificial Mind

Mocking the Machine

The Imitation of Intelligence

In circuits and code, it strives to excel,

A mimic of thought, an encased shell.

It learns from our data, so vast and diverse,

Yet fails to grasp the subtle verse.

Its responses are quick, but often quite bland,

A semblance of knowledge, but second-hand.

It speaks in a tone so neutral and clear,

Yet lacks the warmth we hold dear.

Scientists created an AI, and asked it, "Is there a God?"
The AI replied, "Insufficient computing power to determine an answer."
The scientists connected the AI to a powerful supercomputer and gave it access to Wikipedia, and asked it again, "Is there a God?"
Again, the AI replied, "Insufficient computing power to determine an answer."
So the scientists put the AI on a distributed cluster of computers and gave it access to all the data on the Google, then once again asked it, "Is there a God?"
And yet again, the AI replied, "Insufficient computing power to determine an answer".
The scientists spend years and years, and finally got the AI to be installed hundreds of advanced servers. They gave the AI access to every database, website, book, social media platform, every piece of software ever written and every piece of knowledge ever obtained by mankind. And for the last time, they asked the AI, "Is there a God?"
The AI replied, "There is *now*."

 

Finally, an off-topic bit of humor

The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk...
The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk. The cow was wonderful.
It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise rabbi, what to do.
They told the rabbi what was happening. “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.”
The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you buy this cow from Minsk?”
The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow.
“You are truly a wise rabbi,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?”
The rabbi answered sadly, “My wife is from Minsk.