Fowl JOW #1279

 Spring is not normally considered a time for hunting, but it is for turkeys.  I went on a most excellent hunt last week and so have turkeys and other fowl on my mind, which, of course, I twisted into humor.  Here are a few jokes about poultry in general and turkeys in specific.

 

Why do Turkeys love thanksgiving?

Because they don’t have to worry about buying Christmas presents

 

Where can you find radioactive turkeys?

Chergobble

 

If you have two hundred chickens, you have a poultry farm.

If you have two chickens, you have a paltry farm.

 

I decided to change my diet; I’m starting to eat hot poultry sandwiches.

I’m quitting cold turkey.

 

What kind of poultry is good at dancing?

A twerkey!

 

What would you call a super successful poultry farmer?

Chick magnate

 

What is the difference between a crow and a raven?  A raven has 17 big primary wing feathers called a pinon feather.  A crow only has 16. 

Thus, the difference between a crow and a raven is a matter of a pinion.

 

A poultry farmer walks into a bar and orders a white wine spritzer.

"Hey Bob," the bartender says. "How's your chicken crossbreeding experiment going this week?"

"Pretty good," the farmer replies. "I crossed a chicken with an Eider duck. Now I have a chicken that lays down."

 

What’s the difference between a turkey and a chicken? Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving.

 

Since I was hunting turkeys in the Midwest, here is a midwestern riddle

 

What’s round on the ends and high in the middle? Ohio."

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The king called his tax collector and asked, "How much have we collected in taxes this quarter"
The tax collector replies "I’m afraid our villages were raided by bandits m'lord, the villages have had to pay their taxes in chickens"
With an outward sigh of mild irritation the king speaks "well man how many chickens did you manage to scrounge together"
The tax collector replies "well my liege, the Northern village provided us with 6 chickens, the western village provided us with 4 chickens, after much persuasion the Eastern village could only muster up 2 chickens and the southern village offered a measly 1 chicken"
The king thinks about this for a second.
Until the tax collector speaks up
"M'lord allow me explain.., 6 chickens + 4 chickens + 2 chickens + 1 chicken = 13 chickens altogether"
To which the king replies "bah, a poultry sum"

 

A poultry obsessed wife brings home two baby geese and promptly sets up their coop, pool, and feed on the back patio, stating they would be more comfortable there. She spends hours outside tending to, cooing at, and cuddling them… to the point of annoyance with her husband.
One day he decides it would be better to show an interest in her new pets than sit alone on the couch. He sits next to her, grabbing a piece of grass to feed them and calls them over. They ignore him. Again, he tries calling and shaking the tasty morsel. Nothing. His wife blithely says, “they don’t understand you; they don’t speak English.”

Incredulous, the man retorts that geese don’t speak any language.

His wife replies, “Isn’t it obvious? They’re Porch-a-geese”

 

Thinking of geese: I put on a ‘Honk if you think I’m sexy’ bumper sticker on my car.  If I need a boost in my self-esteem I just wait at the light when it turns green

>>>>> 

A bull and a turkey were grazing on the field. The bull was grazing on the grass, the turkey was picking ticks off the bull.
Then the turkey looked at a huge tree which was at the edge of the field, and very nostalgically said, "Alas, there was a time when I could fly to the top most branch of the tree, but today I do not have the strength even to fly to the first branch of the tree"
The bull very nonchalantly said, "That's no problem! Eat a little bit of my dung every day, you will see, within a fortnight's time you will reach the top of the tree."
The turkey said, "Oh, come off it! How is that possible?"
The bull replied, "Really, please try and see.”
Very hesitantly, the turkey started pecking at the dung, and lo, on the very first day it reached the first branch of the tree. In a fortnight's time, it reached the topmost branch of the tree. It just went and sat on the topmost branch and just enjoyed the scenery.

The old farmer saw a fat old turkey on the top of the tree. He took out his shotgun and shot him off the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit can get you to the top, but never lets you stay there.

 

And finally, two completely off topic jokes:

In a gesture to help the homeless, a grocery store hired some of them to work as baggers.  One of them asks a customer if they wanted paper or plastic bags.

“I don’t care.  You choose,” she replied.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but baggers can’t be choosers.”

 

```````

At a mass at which some young women were to take their final vows to become nuns, the presiding bishop noticed two rabbis enter the church just before the mass began. 

They insisted on sitting on the right side of the center aisle.  The bishop did not have a chance to speak with them before the mass began.  When it came time for the announcements his curiosity got the better of him.  He announced that he was delight to see two rabbis in the church but was curious why they had come to on the occasion when the young ladies were to become the ‘Brides of Christ’.

The eldest rabbi rose and explained, ‘We are the family of the groom.”