I recently read a comment: ‘I used to despise journalists until I got to know them, then I realized that I did not despise them enough’. That pretty much sums it for me about modern journalism. Journalists have been around for hundreds of years and have been hated most of that time. Think of Voltaire sparking the excesses of the French Revolution. Fake new was a feature during the American Revolution. You can still read the horrible and false things journalists said about Abe Lincoln. The Spanish American war was encouraged by William Randolf Hurst and his Yellow Journalism in large part to increase newspaper sales. The news department’s job is to make money by getting advertising through ratings. Further, the hard left turn first taken by first academia and then media means that all the members of the journalistic profession are like-minded liberals or leftists. They claim they are ‘speaking truth to power.’ Nonsense. They put out scurrilous and/or salacious stories solely to gain attention for themselves. The information they provide is meaningless chatter with all the spite of a vicious village gossip and all the perspective of a mayfly.
I will now get off my soapbox. I did that screed without even resorting to
profanity. Now here are some jokes about
journalists.
~~~~~~~~~
Pessimist: The glass is half empty…
Optimist: The glass is half full
Journalist: You won’t BELIEVE the Shocking story of
what’s in this glass!
What do you call a journalist who loves sex?
A Presstitute.
What’s a journalist’s favorite Vegetable? Leeks.
Why do journalists go to the same gym?
It has a really great spin class.
In high school I tried using anonymous sources instead of
real citations.
This was not allowed, because I was a ninth grader and
not a journalist.
Today’s News Brief: A courtroom artist was arrested
during the trial. Details are sketchy.
What do you get if you cross a sports reporter with a
vegetable? A common tater
The newspaper hired a new Italian capital correspondent.
They were the Times’ new Roman.
When it comes to fact-checking, journalists are lazy.
Source: Wikipedia.
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town
by railway. It was an ex-press train.
I used to be a freelance journalist, but I was not any
good at it. Lance is still in prison
When journalists quote you, they have a subtle but
unmistakable way to call out your grammatical errors. It’s a [sic] burn.
I went to a journalist’s house for dinner, and he’d
pulled the labels off his ketchup, mayo and tabasco bottles. Apparently, he
likes to keep all his sauces anonymous.
Journalist to Abused Wife
Journalist : Do you know what your husband does in his
free time?
Wife : *shrugs* beats me.
How many journalists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three:
One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the poor.
One to report it as a conspiracy to deprive the poor of darkness.
And one to win a Pulitzer Prize for reporting that the electric company hired
someone to break the lightbulb in the first place.
or
None: Journalists change facts, not light bulbs.
Journalism can be a dangerous career in some places
A concerned person became sick of all the corruption and
injustice in the world and decided to expose it by becoming a career
journalist.
Only three weeks later he was caught trying to reveal
corruption by some high-ranking officials and was put to death.
You could say, he chose the wrong Korea.
Criticizing the government for Russian journalists … it’s
a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
What happens to investigative journalists in Russia?
They're Putin jail
With the Russian Elections coming up, a reporter asks
Russian President Vladimir Putin a question at a press conference.
"Do you think that a Russian woman could ever rise up to the highest
office of our great nation and become president?"
President Putin responds immediately with a resounding "NO." without
any hesitation, shocking all the reporters.
"Why do you think that Mr. Putin?" the reporter asks, surprised and
confused at the blunt dismissal.
Vladimir calmly looks at the reporter and says "Because I am not a
woman."
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of
papers, yelling, “Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people
swindled!”
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked
the front page. Finding nothing, the man said, “There’s nothing in here about
fifty people being swindled.”
The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, “Read
all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!”
At a news conference, a journalist confronted a politician
running for office.
"Your secretary said publicly that you have a small
penis. Would you please comment on this."
"The truth is," replied the Politician, "that she has a big
mouth."
And finally, an oldie but a goodie
A biker is passing the zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s
cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket
and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her under the eyes of her screaming
parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the
nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back,
letting go of the girl. The biker brings
her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter says, “Sir,
this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life.”
The biker replies, “Why, it was nothing, really, the lion
was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt
right.”
The reporter says, “Well, I’m a journalist from the New York Times, and
tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page… so, what do you do for
a living and what political affiliation do you have?”
The biker replies, “I’m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.”
The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed
brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
“U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.”
No comments:
Post a Comment