On the Road Again JOW #1291

 I am about to embark on my annual trip to the Colorado Rockies in my trusty van, Freda, to visit old friends and family, and some brand-new members of the family for the first time.  I have pictures of my latest grandson, but it will be nice to see him in the flesh.  Because I am unsure of my precise schedule, I may or may not be able to send out a JOW next week.  I hope you are not too disappointed.  Here are a few road warrior jokes.

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What happened when the car took LSD?

It went on a road trip and had an auto body experience!

 

Have you ever taken a road trip to the Seagate factory?

It's a hard drive.

 

What did the Lettuce Father say to his Lettuce Family when they started on their road trip?

"Lettuce travel!"

 

What makes amputees so bad on road trips?

They’re always on the last leg.

 

Where do bees stop to use the bathroom on road trips?

The BP station.

 

Where did the heart, liver, and kidney go on a road trip?

Oregon

 

Have you heard that Teslas don’t have that new car smell?

They have more of an Elon Musk.

 

Where does a sheep sit in the car during a road trip?

In the Ba a a ack

 

A guy on a long road trip walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm.

He orders two beers: "One for me and one for the road"

 

 

I went on a fantastic road trip with my friend in his Honda. We just agreed on everything: what to eat, where to stay, what to see and do.

We were of one Accord.

 

Two nuns were driving on night when a vampire flew out of nowhere and landed on the hood of the car. The first nun looked at the second nun and said, "Quick! Show him your cross!"

The second nun gets out of the car and shouts at the vampire, "Get the off my car you idiot!"

 

A jealous husband, while on a road trip with his friends, would call his wife every day to check on her.

Him: Where are you?
Her: At home in the kitchen honey.
Him Don't trust you. Can you run the food processor for me, so I know you are home?
Her: Sure Hun .
Whirrrrrrrrrr
Her: There you go.
Him: Ok. Talk to you later...
This went on for a few days. He would call her and ask her to run the food processor, which she would do.
One day he called home and spoke to his children: “Where is mom?”
Kid: No idea. She leaves early in the morning and comes back late in the night.
But she takes the food processor along wherever she goes.

 

Four guys are driving on a long road trip. It's the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere.

The guy from Idaho takes out a sack of potatoes and starts throwing them out the window one by one.
"What the hell are you doing?", someone asks. "Look, we've got so many potatoes in Idaho. I mean, we're overflowing with them. So whenever I travel, I'm supposed to get rid of as many as I can."
"That's not a bad idea," says the guy from Iowa. He produces a bag of corn and starts throwing ears out the window.
A moment later the guy from Austin opens the door and pushes out the guy from California.

Here is a physics joke.  I hope you are up on your famous physicists  

Heisenberg, Schrödinger, and Ohm are on a road trip, and they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him, “Do you know how fast you were going?”
“No, but I know exactly where I am” Heisenberg replies.
The cop says, “You were going 80 miles an hour.”

 Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts “Great! Now I’m lost!”
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says, “Do you know you have a dead cat back here?”
“We do now, asshole!” shouts Schrödinger.
The cop tries to arrest them.
Ohm resists.

And finally

A man was driving in a deserted road at night, when suddenly his car starts to cough and splutter as the engine dies

He is forced to pull over to the side of the road in the complete darkness and silence of the night. He grabs his flashlight and pops the hood to see if there's anything he can do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he can't seem to figure out what's wrong with it and he starts to get anxious.
As he stood there, he starts to regret not checking the car before going on such a long road trip, when suddenly he hears a deep voice from the other side of the road, saying:
"It's your spark plug wire."
The man gets startled, and asks: "Who said that?!", as he points the flashlight to where the voice came from. There it was an enormous black horse standing on the opposite side of the road. The horse repeats:
"It's one of your spark plug wires; it's disconnected."
Completely shocked, the man gets even more confused when he sees the disconnected cable. He reattached it, rushed to his seat and started the car, screeching away. When he reached the next town, he ran into the local bar and asked for a double shot of whiskey. He drinks it in a single gulp, still trembling. A rancher sitting next to him notices the man's ashen face and asks: "*What's wrong, man? You look like you've seen a ghost."
"You're not gonna believe it*" — the man replies — "A talking black horse just fixed my car.

The rancher now looks just as surprised as the man and says: "Wow.  And he actually gave you good advice.  You got very lucky".

"Why?".

The rancher takes another sip of his beer and replies:
"Because that horse don't know nothin' bout cars.  He’s an accountant!"