Plagiarism is an ugly word.
I mean that literally. It just
sounds gross. Plagiarism is getting into trouble for something you didn’t
do. As Aristotle once said, ‘Most
of us will never have an original thought during our lives.’ What he didn’t say
was that he stole this line from Plato. The
modern ease of use of computers systems makes it easy to claim the work of
others as your own. As the recent
graduating college student put it: “I’d like to thank Google, Wikipedia, and
whoever invented cut and paste.” After
all, creativity is great but plagiarism is faster.
I have been asked how I have been able to generate a number of
jokes every week for over eleven years.
I do make some of them up. I also
remember a lot; I have a good memory for topical jokes. Some I pass on from people who email them to
me, (thank you very much). And of course
some I steal errr…. that is obtain from the Internet.
I think this one was from Pat.
One of our Texas neighbors had a breathtakingly beautiful but
somewhat naïve daughter of whom he was inordinately protective. She was
not permitted to date until Dad had met the young man and given his
approval. Of course, the approval was somewhat hard to obtain, as suitor
after suitor was rejected and the comely maiden despaired of finding a
candidate acceptable to Dad.
She
came home one day and told her Father that yet another fellow had asked her
out, only to meet the standard demand: “Who is he and what does he
do?”
Daughter replied that “He is very handsome, he’s from Norway, and
he hasn’t decided what to do yet, as he told me he is just out of Yale.”
“A Yalie, eh,” said Dad. “Finally, there’s a young man it
will be a pleasure to meet, even if he is a Yankee. Invite him over this
evening and I’m sure we’ll get along fine.”
The
young man shows up as expected, and in response to Dad’s outstretched hand
says…
“’Ello, I’m Yim Yohannson.”
Many of us know the Jeff Foxworthy bit about ‘you might be a
redneck’. There is a new series of jokes
going around which may or may not be his, but are in that style.
·
If
you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not
for being in the country illegally, you might live in a nation founded
by geniuses but run by idiots.
·
If
you have to show identification to board an airplane, cash a check,
buy liquor, or check out a library book, but not to vote who runs
the government, you might live in a nation founded by geniuses but
run by idiots.
·
If
the government wants to ban stable, law-abiding citizens from owning
gun magazines with more than ten rounds, but gives twenty F-16
fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt, you might live in a
nation founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
·
If,
in the nation’s largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not
a 24-ounce soda because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you
fat, you might live in a nation founded by geniuses but run by
idiots.
·
If
an 80-year-old woman or a three-year-old girl who is confined to a
wheelchair can be strip-searched by the TSA but a woman in a hijab
is only subject to having her neck and head searched, you might
live in a nation founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
·
If
hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government
intrusion, while NOT working is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC
checks, Medicaid, subsidized housing, and free cell phones, you
might live in a nation founded by geniuses but run by
idiots.
·
If
the governments plan for getting people back to work is to provide incentives
for not working through 99 weeks of unemployment checks without any
requirement to prove they even tried to look for a job, you might
live in a nation founded by geniuses but run by idiots.
·
If
you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big screen
TV while your neighbor buys iPhones, wall-sized plasma do-it-all
TVs and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he
defaults on his mortgage, you might live in a nation founded by
geniuses but run by idiots.
And this bit is a donation from Tom
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham
Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a
large powerful woman; indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from
town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy
tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several bags short of a camel
load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between
to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you
who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by
Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums.
And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the
goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying,
Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must
Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit
ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).
And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly
take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican
Sybarites, or NERDS.
And said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO," said Abraham.
And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid
(GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the
countryside.
It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything
(GOOGLE).
That is how it all began. And that's the truth.
