Plagiarized JOW #659

Plagiarism is an ugly word.  I mean that literally.  It just sounds gross. Plagiarism is getting into trouble for something you didn’t do.  As Aristotle once said, ‘Most of us will never have an original thought during our lives.’ What he didn’t say was that he stole this line from Plato.  The modern ease of use of computers systems makes it easy to claim the work of others as your own.  As the recent graduating college student put it: “I’d like to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever invented cut and paste.”  After all, creativity is great but plagiarism is faster. 

I have been asked how I have been able to generate a number of jokes every week for over eleven years.  I do make some of them up.  I also remember a lot; I have a good memory for topical jokes.  Some I pass on from people who email them to me, (thank you very much).  And of course some I steal errr…. that is obtain from the Internet. 

I think this one was from Pat.

One of our Texas neighbors had a breathtakingly beautiful but somewhat naïve daughter of whom he was inordinately protective.  She was not permitted to date until Dad had met the young man and given his approval.  Of course, the approval was somewhat hard to obtain, as suitor after suitor was rejected and the comely maiden despaired of finding a candidate acceptable to Dad.

 She came home one day and told her Father that yet another fellow had asked her out, only to meet the standard demand:  “Who is he and what does he do?” 

Daughter replied that “He is very handsome, he’s from Norway, and he hasn’t decided what to do yet, as he told me he is just out of Yale.”

“A Yalie, eh,” said Dad.  “Finally, there’s a young man it will be a pleasure to meet, even if he is a Yankee.  Invite him over this evening and I’m sure we’ll get along fine.”

The young man shows up as expected, and in response to Dad’s outstretched hand says…

“’Ello, I’m Yim Yohannson.”

Many of us know the Jeff Foxworthy bit about ‘you might be a redneck’.  There is a new series of jokes going around which may or may not be his, but are in that style.

·         If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for being in the country illegally, you might live in a nation founded by geniuses but run by idiots. 

·         If you have to show identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book, but not to vote who runs the government, you might live in a nation founded by geniuses but run by idiots. 

·         If the government wants to ban stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines with more than ten rounds, but gives twenty F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt, you might live in a nation founded by geniuses but run by idiots. 

·         If, in the nation’s largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not a 24-ounce soda because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat, you might live in a nation founded by geniuses but run by idiots. 

·         If an 80-year-old woman or a three-year-old girl who is confined to a wheelchair can be strip-searched by the TSA but a woman in a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched, you might live in a nation founded by geniuses but run by idiots. 

·         If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government intrusion, while NOT working is rewarded with EBT cards, WIC checks, Medicaid, subsidized housing, and free cell phones, you might live in a nation founded by geniuses but run by 
idiots. 

·         If the governments plan for getting people back to work is to provide incentives for not working through 99 weeks of unemployment checks without any requirement to prove they even tried to look for a job, you might live in a nation founded by geniuses but run by idiots. 

·         If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big screen TV while your neighbor buys iPhones, wall-sized plasma do-it-all TVs and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage, you might live in a nation founded by geniuses but run by idiots. 

And this bit is a donation from Tom

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a large powerful woman; indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).
And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.
And said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO," said Abraham.
And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.
It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
That is how it all began. And that's the truth.