Fast Feast JOW

We have completed the annual feast of Thanksgiving where modern Americans celebrate the fact that we are the first society in history where food is so readily available that obesity even among the poor has become a national problem. You might say we have put all the good food behind us; some of us have done so in a literal fashion. There was reputedly a sign at the Olympic stadium in Peking: STADIUM HOLDS 120,000 CHINESE, or 80,000 AMERICANS.

Here are some thoughts on eating:

• Never eat more than you can lift --Miss Piggy

• If guns kill people, then a spoon made Rosie O’Donnell fat.

• Try the Garlic Diet; eat garlic with every meal. You may or not lose weight but you certainly will lose friends.


They just opened a new restaurant on the moon.
The food is supposed to be pretty good but there is no atmosphere.
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A young man rushed into the doctor’s office.
He had a carrot up one nostril, a cucumber in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"Doctor, doctor,” he gasped, “What’s wrong with me?"
The doctor looked at him, shook his head sorrowfully and replied, "You're not eating right."

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I heard this phone message:

“Welcome to the Weight Loss Hot Line. If you would like to lose one pound, press ‘1’ about eighteen thousand times.”

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A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."
Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and asked the waitress, "Five dollars each for lobster tails -- is that correct?"
"Yes," she said. "It's our special just for today."
"Well," he said, "they must be little lobster tails."
"No," she replied, "it's the really big lobster."
"Big, red lobster tails at $5 each?" he said, amazed. "They must be not-so-fresh lobster tails!"
"No, they're definitely today's."
"Today's big, red lobster tails - $5 each?" he repeated, astounded.
"Yes, definitely" she insisted with a smile.
"Well, here's my five dollars," he said. "I'll take one."
She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him, and said, "Once upon a time, there was a really big, red lobster..."


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An overweight business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess weight. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery.
One morning however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffee cake.
We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic.
"This is a very special coffee cake," he explained.
"I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window was a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, 'Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious coffee cakes, let me have a parking spot directly in front of the bakery.'
"And sure enough," he continued, beaming, "the eighth time around the block, there it was!"

And for desert:

Two young men who had just graduated from Harvard were excited and talkative about their future plans as they got into a taxi in downtown Boston. After hearing them for a couple of minutes, the cab driver asked, "You men Harvard graduates?"
"Yes, sir! Class of 2010!" they answered proudly.
The cab driver extended his hand back to shake their hands, saying, "I’m class of '68."