Forgettable JOW #663

My JOW is somewhat late this week not because I forgot but because I was in Washington DC for Memorial Day.  That got me thinking about remembering and memory in general.  We all forget things from time to time including things we really should know such as your wife’s favorite flower – (Pillsbury?). I have had to introduce my spouse as “this is ummm…. my wife”.  People who do that sort of thing too often may be suffering from early onset dementia; or they may just be a PhD which is entirely normal for them.  They say two symptoms of getting older are you start forgetting things and, ummm….. something else.  Not only is my short term memory getting bad but so is my short term memory.   They say everyone has a photographic memory but some don't seem have to have film.  I do know one way to get people to remember you – borrow money from them.

So here are a few ‘forgettable’ jokes:

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

An elephant is drinking out of a river when he spots a turtle asleep on a log. The elephant ambles over and kicks the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river.

“Why did you do that?” asks a passing giraffe.

“Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 47 years ago.”

“Wow, what a memory!” says the giraffe.

“Yes,” says the elephant. “I have turtle recall.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A family made an annual summer vacation trek from Chicago to a cabin usually someplace on a lake in Wisconsin or Michigan.

Every year, it seems, they would get on a highway a few miles out of the city, and the mom would wail, “Oh my goodness! I think left the iron on.” And almost every year they would turn around and go back. Not once was it was ever plugged in.

Finally on one trip Mom gasped once again, “I just know I left the iron on.”

The father didn’t say a word, just pulled over onto the shoulder of the road, got out, opened the trunk and handed her the iron.

…………………………………

Eliza and Betty were playing pontoon in the sitting room at the Wood views Home for gentlemen and gentle ladies, when a worried look settled on Eliza’s face.

‘This is awful,’ she said, laying her cards down. ‘I’m so embarrassed. I’ve known you for so many years — but I’ve completely forgotten what your name is.’

Betty gave a snort of impatience. ‘Well really,’ she said. ‘What a question. Fancy asking me that.’  She paused . . .  ‘How soon do you need to know?’

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Old Tom moved in to Wood views and immediately caused a stir. He was in his 80s but very dapper, with a clipped moustache like Clark Gable’s and a silk handkerchief in his blazer pocket.

And he had all the pick-up lines, if only he could remember them. Sidling up to Eliza one evening, he murmured suavely: ‘Tell me, do I come here often?’

Some old quotes

·         Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough - Groucho Marx

·         Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.  I wanted to shoot my age in golf; instead I shot my weight. - Bob Hope

·         Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries - Bill Cosby

·         You can live to be 100 — if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100 - Woody Allen

A few final one liners:

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Mind Like A Steel Trap - rusty and illegal In 37 States

Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?  I think not.



Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!