Hunting and Fishing JOW #680

                I recently combined a trip down to Edinburg with a fund-raiser dove hunt in south Texas.  It is already bird season and soon it will be deer season.  That also means it will soon cool enough to fish for redfish and trout in the bays.  At any rate, I certainly enjoyed my recent outing where doves once again demonstrated my weakness at shooting small, high speed, rapidly dodging targets that appear out of nowhere and vanish as soon as they see you bring up your shotgun.  With hunting and fishing on my mind I decided to dredge up some hunting and fishing themed jokes such as:

Do you know the difference between a hunter and a fisherman? A hunter lies in wait. A fisherman waits and lies.

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A group of dove hunters are in camp when they realize that they are running low on provisions.
The group appointed Kevin to get supplies.
Kevin went into the store and bought 12 bottles of whiskey, 10 cases of beer and 2 packages of hotdogs.
When he returned to the camp the group looked in his truck and they asked, "Kevin, what in the world are we gonna do with all them damn hotdogs?"

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A couple of Texans go on a dove hunting trip. They get all the gear, shotguns, shells, hunting licenses, camouflage gear, and rented time on a lease; they spend a fortune!
The first day they go hunting, but they don't get anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men manages to bring down a single dove.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy dove cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't shoot any more!"

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An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water.
The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"
"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."

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A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?
The father replied, "Don't rightly know son." 

A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breathe underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son." 

A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know son." 

Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
The father replied, "Of course not; if you don't ask questions, you’ll never learn nothin'.”

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Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when they came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.
At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.
Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!".
The other replied, "No, it's not!".
The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.
To which the other man replied, "Don’t you know you can't tell a brook by its clover."

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Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in. Remarked one of the fisherman, "That's the first time I've ever seen carp-to-carp walleting."

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And in conclusion:

Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us."
After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always turned to face the same direction. "Let's call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as Towards and Away.
The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it is time that learned how to make a living from the sea." They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three month voyage.
The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship. Three whole years passed before the grieving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband. "My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cried.
The ragged fisherman began to tell his story: "One day Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole day they battled without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw Towards again."
"Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must have been!"
"Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away...."