Halloween-like JOW #736

It will be Halloween on Friday.  Halloween is a strange sort of a holiday.  Years ago it was just for kids, but as adults began to use it as an excuse for parties it has gained in popularity.  This is true of all the holidays in our culture, from Valentine’s Day to Mother’s Day.  Their value is in how much money people will spend on them.  It is hard to get people to drop a bundle on the Fourth of July or Labor Day; ah, but Halloween has decorations - second only to Christmas.  Halloween has always meant buying lots of candy.  And there is the additional cachet of costumes – and adults spend way more on costumes than they do for their kids.  I have been working at the Texas Renaissance Faire – believe me there are some really elaborate costumes of every sort there.  So we see Halloween now being pumped up by the marketing media even more than the Thanksgiving or New Year’s holidays. 

I did my best to provide some timely jokes but unfortunately I do not find very many Halloween jokes to be all that funny.  Most lean toward simplistic riddles and such.  Others are inappropriate such as this overly political one:

Kids can always tell what political party people belong to from their attitude toward trick or treaters.  Republicans tell the kids that if they are looking for a handout all the candy is on the roof and they should wait for it to trickle down.  Democrats want to take half the trick or treater’s candy and give it to kids who are not out trick or treating for themselves. 

Here are a few light Halloween bits to get started.

·         Can a spirit get busted for possession? 

·         And if a ghost is really frightened is it scared ‘sheetless’? 

·         Or does a ghost go to a party just for the ‘boos’?

·         Could the devil light a ‘match made in heaven’?

-----------------

Q: What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi (3.1415926535…)

……………………….

Farmer Smith was driving his tractor along the road with a trailer load of fertilizer.  Alex a little boy of nine was playing ball in his yard; he saw the farmer and asked:

'What've you got in your trailer?'
'Manure,' farmer Smith replied.

'What are you going to do with it?' asked Alex.
'Put it on my pumpkins,' answered the farmer.

Alex replied, 'You ought to come and eat with us, we put ice-cream on our pumpkin pie.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The UPS lady was delivering a new plastic skeleton to the doctor's office.  As she waited at the main desk Nora was aware that the waiting room full of patients was staring at her.  So she smiled and said," I am bringing him in to doctor Henderson." 

An old lady said sympathetically, "My dear!  Isn't it a bit late for the doctor?"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

County Community Burn Ordinances pertaining to recreational fires and burning of yard and household waste: All outdoor burning is prohibited in the City except for those parcels described in ordinance. Recreational fires are allowed, but not during the hours of 6:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m.

At 8.00pm on October 31st two fire-fighters could see a fire in the back yard.  It was clearly in breach of the rule on burning leaves after dark.  One of the firemen knocked on the door, and they both waited each holding his helmet in their hand.  The little old woman opened the door and promptly dropping a bar of candy into each helmet.  She then told them, 'Aren't you boys are a little old for trick and treat, and closed the door'.  The fire-fighters left open mouthed.

####################

7 Signs That You Are Too Old For Trick or Treat

You have to choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

Children say, 'Great Mick Jagger mask!'  But you're not wearing a mask.

You get out of breath climbing three steps and knocking at the door

You ask for high fiber candy.

You lose your false teeth apple bobbing.

You are the only 'ghost' with a Zimmer walker frame.

At the end of the evening, you have more restraining orders than treats.

+++++++++++++++

On another note, I don’t get apps – you know all the cool applications young people are using on their iPhones to  insulate themselves from the outside world.  I tried a few and did not get it.  Whenever I delete an app on my iPhone, the shaking icons make me feel like they're panicking over who's next to go. I mean I thought as a senior citizen Napster would be right up my alley; nope, it was not what I thought it was.  And why Angry Birds – I would prefer Early Birds.  And iPrunes for what is now my generation’s most common form of music.  And I wonder why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?

Frankly, my iPhone screen is brighter than my future.  

And finally, is it true that they dig up Steve Jobs every year to give him an upgraded coffin?