I had my surgery to repair the ruptured tendon
on my right knee. The operation went well, but I will be hobbling around for a
few weeks, especially since I have a full leg hard splint on. I have been limping along since I tore the
tendon on my second full day in Israel, but the difference is that I will now
be healing. I guess I have reached that
point in my life where I will no longer identify my knees as left or right;
it’s the good one and bad one.
Here are some topical jokes while I sit with my
leg extended perfectly straight.
A man who had just
undergone a knee operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a
terrible headache. Since his operation
had been on his knee, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining
of a headache.
Finally his nurse,
fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke
to the doctor about it.
The doctor assured
the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing.
He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the
operation we ran out of anesthetic."
`````````````````````````
The best doctor in the world is the
veterinarian. He can’t ask his patients what is the matter – he’s got to just
know.
– Will Rogers
– Will Rogers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother complained to her consultant about her
daughter’s strange eating habits.
“All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?”
“Eventually,” said the consultant, “she will rise and shine.”
“All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?”
“Eventually,” said the consultant, “she will rise and shine.”
Some actual transcriptions of medical notes.
·
On the second day the knee was better and on
the third day it disappeared.
·
The patient has been depressed since she began
seeing me in 1993.
·
Discharge status: Alive, but without my
permission.
·
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia
for lunch.
·
While in ER, Eva was examined, x-rated and sent
home.
·
Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
·
Patient has two teenage children, but no other
abnormalities.
·
The patient was in his usual state of good
health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
·
Mrs. Evans slipped on the ice and apparently
her legs went in separate directions in early December.
·
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Jones, who
felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
·
The patient refused autopsy.
·
The patient has no previous history of
suicides.
·
She is numb from her toes down.
·
She stated that she had been constipated for
most of her life until she got a divorce.
·
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light
and accommodation.
·
Examination of genitalia has revealed that he
is circus-sized.
·
Patient was found in bed with her power mower.
·
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her
husband states she was hot in bed last night.
Previous day Zach went to the doctor for his
yearly physical control. His blood pressure was too high, his cholesterol was
too high, He’d gained some weight, and he didn’t feel so hot.
Zach’s doctor said eating right doesn’t have to
be complicated and it would solve his physical problems. He said just think in
colors. Fill your dish with bright colors: greens, yellows, reds and more.
Zach went right home and ate an entire bowl of
M&M’s and sure enough, he felt better immediately. He never knew eating
right could be so easy.
And some non-medical jokes:
*On a cold winter morning, wife texts husband:*
*"WINDOWS FROZEN, WON'T OPEN"*
*Husband texts back:*
*"POUR SOME LUKEWARM WATER OVER IT AND TAP *GENTLY ALONG THE EDGES WITH A HAMMER"*
*Five minutes later wife texts husband:*
*"COMPUTER REALLY SCREWED UP NOW"*
*"WINDOWS FROZEN, WON'T OPEN"*
*Husband texts back:*
*"POUR SOME LUKEWARM WATER OVER IT AND TAP *GENTLY ALONG THE EDGES WITH A HAMMER"*
*Five minutes later wife texts husband:*
*"COMPUTER REALLY SCREWED UP NOW"*
-------------------------
A Russian arrives in New York City as a new
immigrant to the United States. It's 11:00 AM on a Wednesday.
He stops the first person he sees walking down
the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me come into this
country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free
education!"
The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am
from the Middle East and here illegally."
The man goes on and encounters another
passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in
America."
The person says, "I not American, I
Vietnamese and here on a Green Card that expired two years ago."
The new arrival walks farther and stops the
next person he sees, then shaking his hand, and says, "Thank you for
wonderful America!” That person puts up his hand and says, "I am I am not
American. I am a Mexican. It is easy to get here via Arizona."
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are
you an American?"
She says, "No, I am from Ireland here on
an Education Green Card that expired 10 years ago."
Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the
Americans?"
The Irish lady checks her watch and says:
"Probably at work."
-----------------
Who says building a wall won’t work. The Chinese built a wall 2000 years ago and
they still
don’t have any Mexicans
And finally, a touching story from Bill,
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