Take me out to the Ball Game JOW #935

I love baseball playoffs. It gives me a chance to go home and watch the World Series.  Just like the Cubs.  There are some things I wonder about; for example, why do we sing ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ when we’re already there?  Of course, women don’t understand baseball like men do.  If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.   

Following are some jokes with a baseball theme.

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A rookie sat next to his manager and watched the other team’s left fielder gun down a runner trying to go from first to third.

"Kid, you won't see a throw like that again in a million years."

Three innings later, the left fielder duplicated the feat.

The rookie turned to the manager and said, "Time sure flies up here in the Majors."

And on the subject of managers, some people think the late Casey Stengel was the greatest manager of all time.  He wasn’t but he sure was colorful.

Casey Stengel sat in the dugout with Bob Cerv. Several moments passed before Stengel spoke. "Nobody knows this, but one of us has just been traded to Kansas City."

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"I'll (Phil Rizzuto) never forget September 6, 1950. I got a letter threatening me, Hank Bauer, Yogi Berra and Johnny Mize. It said if I showed up in uniform against the Red Sox I'd be shot. I turned the letter over to the FBI and told my manager Casey Stengel about it. You know what Casey did? He gave me a different uniform and gave mine to Billy Martin. Can you imagine that! Guess Casey thought it'd be better if Billy got shot."

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On June 17, 1962, in a game between the Mets and the Cubs at the Polo Grounds, "Marvelous" Marv Thronberry slammed a two-run triple. But while he was catching his breath on third base, Chicago first baseman Ernie Banks called for the ball and appealed that Marv had missed first base. The appeal was upheld and he was called out. Mets manager Casey Stengel ran out from the dugout to argue the call until umpire Dusty Boggess said, "Forget it Casey. .He didn't touch second either!"

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Phil Masi was catching one day when Al Javery faced the Giants. The first three hitters all ripped hits on Javery's first pitch. Casey Stengel popped out of the dugout for a conference on the mound.
"What kind of pitches has he been throwing," Stengel asked Masi.
"I dunno," Masi said. "I haven't caught one yet."

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I want to end this JOW with George Carlin’s reflections on the differences between baseball and football.

Baseball is different from any other sport, very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball, or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.  Also: in football, basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score with the ball and in baseball the ball prevents you from scoring. In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager. And only in baseball does the manager or coach wear the same clothing the players do.

Baseball & football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values.  I enjoy comparing baseball and football:

Baseball is a  pastoral game.
Football is a technological struggle.

Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park.
Football is played on a gridiron, in a stadium, like the gladiators.

Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.

In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.

Football is concerned with downs - what down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups - who's up?

In football you receive a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.

In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.

Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.

Football is played in any kind of weather: rain, snow, or sleet
In baseball, if it rains, we don't go out to play.

Baseball has the seventh inning stretch.
Football has the two minute warning.

Baseball has no time limit: we don't know when it's gonna end – we might have extra innings.
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end even if we've got to go to sudden death.

In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling; emotions may run high or low, but there's not too much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you're capable of taking the life of a fellow human being.

And finally, the objectives of the two games are completely different:

In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.

In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!