This week I have some jokes that teach some important life lessons, along with a few other tips, tricks, and jokes. Enjoy.
Dick, a wise man, gave me some things to ponder as we
age:
The inventor of the treadmill died at the age of 54
The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57
The world bodybuilding champion died at the age of 41
The best soccer player in the world, Maradona, died at the age of
60
Adelle Davis, a famous American author & nutritionist, “Let’s Eat Right to Keep Fit”, died of cancer at 70.
And on the other hand -
Colonel Sanders, KFC inventor, died at 94.
Inventor of Nutella brand died at the age of 88
Cigarette maker Winston died at the age of 102
The inventor of opium died at the age of 116 - in an earthquake
Hennessy cognac, Irish inventor died at 98
How did doctors come to the conclusion that exercise
prolongs life?
The rabbit is always jumping, but it lives for only two years. The turtle, that doesn't exercise at all, lives 300 years.
**Lesson 1:**
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower
when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a robe and runs
downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor
who is giving her the eye. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give
you $800 to open that robe.”
After thinking for a moment, the woman opens her robe and
stands naked in front of Bob.
Bob takes a good look, smiles, hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman
wraps back up in the robe and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the
bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”
“It was Bob our next door neighbor,” she replies.
“Great!” the husband says, “Did he say anything about the
$800 he owes me?”
*Moral of the story:*
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
**Lesson 2:**
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when
they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie
says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish”
“Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I
want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.”
Poof! She’s gone.
“Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in
Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life.”
Poof! He’s gone.
“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, “I want those two back in the office
after lunch.”
*Moral of the story:*
Always let your boss have the first say
**Lesson 3:**
A young minister offered a lift to an attractive young woman. She got in and
crossed her legs, revealing a length of leg. The minister nearly had an
accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The girl said, ”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,
changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”
The minister apologized “Sorry, but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at her destination,
the girl went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the minister rushed to
look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory.”
*Moral of the story:*
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity
**Lesson 4**
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked him, ”Can I
also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”
The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on
the ground below the crow, and rested.
Soon a fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
*Moral of the story:*
If you want to do nothing, you must be sitting very high up
**Lesson 5:**
Power of Charisma
A turkey was chatting with a bull “I would love to be able to get to the top of
that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.”
“Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the
bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it
gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a
fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was
spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
*Moral of the story:*
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there
**Lesson 6**
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze
and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came
by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of
cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing
him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A
passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the
sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug
him out and ate him.
*Morals of the story:*
1. Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out of the shit is your friend
3. And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
And here is a story passed on from Tor.
I ordered Chinese take-out from a new local place (I
won't name them) and went to pick it up. As I was driving home with the
yummy-smelling bag on the car floor next to me, I distinctly heard it rustling
- and moving! I thought WT...? Has something gotten into the bag? For a moment,
I could've sworn a tiny pair of eyes peered out at me, but I was driving so
couldn’t really see.
So, I pulled over and stopped the car.
Carefully, I picked up the bag and put it on the
passenger seat. There it was again! More rustling... and then those little
eyes, looking out from behind the ginger beef! I thought, it's got to be a rat
or a mouse or something. Slowly, I pulled the bag open... and there it was!
A Peeking duck.
++++++++
And so ends another week without me becoming unexpectedly
rich.
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