The end of March and the beginning of April are busy times for birthdays in my family. I have a son, daughter, grand-daughter, and mother-in-law all with birthdays within a few days of each other. Birthdays for adults are no big deal, but for my grand-daughter, who turned four, it was, as she has had so few. Helen, my mother-in-law, turned 102 - also a big deal because she has had so many. Here are a few birthday-related jokes.
As Helen opened her 102nd birthday card, she looked at us and said, "You know, one card would have been enough."
The old lady was being
interviewed by reporters on the occasion of her 103th birthday.
"What do you think is the reason for your long life?" they asked
her.
"Oh," she
replied, "I suppose it's because I was born such a long time ago."
===
Her granddaughter made her
one of those sculpted 3D cakes for her birthday but wouldn't stop reminding us
how it took her all day to decorate it, which is surprising since to me it
looked like a piece of cake.
~~~~
People with one syllable
names....really ruin the Happy Birthday Song.
^^^
The hardest person to sing
happy birthday to is Chinese Nobel laureate Tu YouYou
++++
I overheard it was my
co-worker’s birthday the next day so I wished her a happy birthday eve.
She said her name is
Claire and her birthday is actually tomorrow.
====
Q: Why are birthday's good for you?
A: Statistics show that
the people who have the most live the longest.
---
Q: What did the pirate say
on his 80th birthday?
A: Aye, matey!
`````
The logician asked my wife
what she wanted for her birthday..... She said "Nothing would make me
happier than a pair of diamond earrings." So he got her nothing.
^^^
A husband asked his wife
what she wanted as a present.
“Oh, I don’t know,” she
said. “Just give me something with diamonds.”
He gave her a pack of
playing cards.
~~~~
I just bought my friend a refrigerator
for his birthday I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
>>>>
Birthdays are just
participation awards in life.
====
Age is a relative thing.
All my relatives keep reminding me how old I am.
….
I used to be a boy trapped
in a woman's body. But after nine long months, I was finally born!
*****
A mom wanted to do
something special for her college aged son’s birthday. She called his fraternity and asked his roommate
if she could bring them a cake.
His roomie was very
excited. "Hey, Mrs. Schaeffer," he said, "that would be
great!"
The next day she drove to the fraternity and rang the doorbell. The same boy
answered the door. When he saw the cake, his face fell. "Oh," he
said, clearly disappointed. "I thought you said 'keg.' "
<<<<<
Uncle Bob, Mike, and Susan
are sitting together in the booth when the waitress approaches. She hands them
their menus and says, "Good afternoon. Welcome to Ruby Taste
Kitchen! Before we get started, might I ask if you're here to celebrate a
special occasion?"
Susan pipes up, "It's Bob's birthday!"
"Oh well happy birthday! Make sure you save room because you'll get a free
dessert!"
Tim and Susan smile and nod, but poor old Bob who had left his hearing aid at
home looked a bit confused. He asked her to repeat herself.
"Sure thing, happy birthday! Save room and you'll get a free
dessert."
There's a moment of silence before Bob says, "Vroom, vroom!"
++++
It's a hot day--there's a
traveling salesman passing through a small town in Texas when he sees a little
old man sitting in a rocking chair on the porch of a house. So he stops
and says to the little old man, "You look as if you don't have a care in
the world! What's your formula for a long and happy life?"
And the little old man says, "Well, I smoke two packs of cigarettes a day,
I drink a quart of bourbon every night. I never wash, and I go out every
night; I don't get to bed until four in the morning."
And the guy says, "Wow, that's just great. How old are you?"
And the little man says, "I’m Twenty four."
=======
Frank Zamboni - A revolutionary inventor, despite being dead for almost 40 years his name still resurfaces.
A couple of grandma
jokes
After putting her
grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse
and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more
rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her
head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard the four-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"
A second grader came
home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We
learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little
surprised, tried to keep her cool.
"That's
interesting," she said, "how do you make babies?"
"It's simple,"
replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
And finally
A farmer needed to
castrate his bull.
After a search of many options including the local veterinarians he decides to
go with the guy with the cheapest price.
The next day a man shows up with a briefcase and opens it and the farmer is
surprised at what's inside. The fellow pulls two bricks from the case and
explains that he will go to the rear of the bull and with one brick in his left
hand and the other one in his right he will smash the bull's testicles by
banging the bricks together.
"Holy cow!" the farmer says "won't that hurt like hell?!!!
"Nah" the man
says "you just got to make sure you keep your thumbs on the outside
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