Conflicting JOW #1154

 With the election so close there has been a lot of political conflict mostly people on TV trying to tell me what their opponent ‘really believes’ each more extreme than the last.  Apparently I must now choose between two people, one of whom wants to take away all my personal liberties, and the other who wants to sacrifice children on the altar of the god Bal.  Fortunately my friend Dick sent me a few political thoughts from Peggy Noonan, a political humorist which include some gentle bipartisan mocking.

·         Chuck Schumer’s been in Congress so long that medically he’s considered a pre-existing condition. 

·         Kevin McCarthy told me at the last national prayer breakfast that Jesus loves America best, that’s why the Bible is in English. 

·         Will President Biden run for re-election? He’s showing telltale signs of aging. Held a state dinner and insisted it start at 5 p.m. so he could get the early-bird special. 

·         Afterward he invited the visiting prime minister to go upstairs and watch “Hogan’s Heroes.” Then he spent a half hour trying to rewind Netflix. 

·         A month from now he turns 80 but the White House has been playing down any celebrations. Internal memos about it have such a high security classification that copies have been found at Mar-a-Lago. 

·         But personally I prefer age to some of the younger congressmen and –women, who are, basically, airheads. I’ve interviewed them. They think Machiavelli is a clothing designer. They think bilateral and trilateral are muscles you work in the gym. 

·         And there’s Ted Cruz. When Ted ran for president, he called me and asked me for advice. I said, “Ted, just be yourself.” That was mean of me. 

·         Then there’s Mike Pence, a good man. But hearing him give a speech is proof that the dead are trying to contact us."

 

Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older

 

 #9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

 

 #8 Life is sexually transmitted.

 

 #7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 

 #6 Men have two motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

 

 #5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

 

 #4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

 

 #3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

 

 #2 In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

 

 #1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

 

Dick also sent me some wisdom on how God takes care of seniors.

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys, and other things, thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus, providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.

So, if you find, as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it's God's will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

 

And finally a story from ancient Japan.

In Feudal Japan, two Samurai families were constantly at war...

One day, the eldest sons of the two Families got together and decided to put a stop to all the fighting and bloodshed between their clans. To the dismay of their closest relatives and companions, the two announce that they had agreed - they were going to have a duel. The winner would bring his family glory, and the other family would be forced to leave the territory for good.
The night before the duel, the Father of one clan approached his son and asked him why he decided to do this. Surely there was another way. The son responded he could no longer stand the fighting, and would rather die than deal with it any longer.
Besides, he was older and knew he could easily best the eldest son of the opposing clan. He also had a superior disarming technique and could quickly end it all. He was certain of his victory.
He continued to meditate and focus until the very moment of the duel. He could practically visualize the battle. He knew his opponents every move- he was ready.
When the time came, he donned his gear and made his way to the battleground. They approached each other from opposing ends. They stopped. Both bowed low in respect.
Then as they lifted their heads back up, it was a flurry of sparks as the two went head to head.
Such a display of combative grace had never been seen before. Both were clearly masters of their craft. As they continued to exchange blows, the older of the two saw his opening and struck, slicing off the younger fighter's sword hand. However, at that very moment the sword spun out and cut off both feet of the older fighter, dropping him to the floor in a splatter of blood.
The younger fighter reached down and picked his sword back up with his left hand and finished his downed opponent in a quick display of mercy.
Later, as the Heads of both clans met to sign their peace treaty, the Father of the older fighter approached the younger fighter. He told him that he held no animosity toward him. "I just don't understand where my son went wrong. He was supposed to be the greatest Samurai of our time..."
To which the younger fighter responds:
"He was indeed an excellent fighter, but while he was focused on disarming me, I simply focused on de-feeting him."