Shy Retiring JOW

Under the circumstances retirement is starting to be more and more interesting. I have a few retirement/old people jokes this week.

Martha passes on lots of good jokes. Here are a few

The retired astronaut opened an unsuccessful restaurant on the moon.
The food was great but there just was no atmosphere.

Youth looks ahead, old age looks back, and middle age looks tired.

An 85-year-old widow went on a date with a 90-year-old man.
When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset.
"What happened, Mom?" the daughter asked.
"I had to slap his face three times!"
"You mean he got fresh?" the concerned daughter asked.
"No," she answered. "I was afraid he had died!"

Hospitals have developed a new oral surgery technique for the poor.
The surgeon describes the operation he would perform if they could afford it.

Some Riddles

Why couldn't the chicken find her eggs?
She mislaid them.

Part of a tooth of a child has broken off. What do you suppose the tooth fairy gives for half a tooth?
Nothing. She wants the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.

What happened when the two tornados met and fell in love?
They had a whirlwind romance

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer

What kind of electricity do they have in Washington?
D.C.

Mike provided this one.
An elderly gentleman had a serious hearing problem for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.
Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'


And finally, from Debbie
THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.