Old Fashioned JOW

Mary Ellen has a friend who is a technophobe, a real neo-Luddite.  Just because a person doesn’t care for computers doesn’t mean they have no sense of humor.  Just look at Henny Youngman─ okay, maybe that is not such a good example.  At any rate, he said plowing on relentlessly, I received a number of jokes via the MAIL!  Yes, some JOW fodder provided in neatly typed slips of paper.  Of course, I have used them once or twice before; that does not matter.  What is important is that if someone is willing to take the time to write jokes down, and ME is willing to mail them to me, then by George, I am going to take the time to transcribe them and send them on to you.
 
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy and, with at bit of discussion and whispering, pick out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
“Son, how old are you?’ the man at the counter asked the older boy.
“Eight.”
“Do you know what these are used for?”
“Not exactly,” the boy replied.  “They are not for me.  They are for my brother. He’s five.”
The man raised his eyebrows.
“You see,” the boy explained, “we saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim, and ride a bike.  Right now he can’t do either of those things.”
 
A blonde calls her boyfriend.  “Please come over here and help me with this killer jigsaw puzzle.  I can’t even figure out how to get started.”
“What is it supposed to be?” he asks.
“According to the picture on the box it is supposed to be a tiger.”
When her boyfriend arrives she show him where she has spread out all the pieces all over the table.  He studies the pieces for a moment and turns to her. 
“First of all, no matter what we do, we are not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”  He takes her hand and continues, “I want you to relax.  We can have a nice cup of tea.  Then we can put all the Frosted Flakes back into the box.”
 
This is from Martha.
            A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera.
    He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding...
    Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.
    Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed.
    He tried a fourth time with the same result.
    He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.   There was no way he could get a ticket for speeding.
    Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
 
 
How you can tell the economy is in bad shape . .
 
* I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
* I went to buy a toaster oven and they gave me a bank.
* Hotwheels and Matchbox car companies are now trading higher than GM in the stock market.
* Obama met with small businesses - GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup and GM, to discuss the Stimulus Package.
 * McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
 * The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.
 * Motel Six won't leave the lights on.
 * The Mafia is laying off judges.