Soggy JOW #997

Tropical Storm Imelda gave the greater Houston area quite a dousing last week.  Sort of a more localized version of Hurricane Harvey.  Since The Woodlands has excellent drainage, all we did was sit inside and watch the TV while it rained.  Of course Houston, being flat and overbuilt, floods all the time, and we did get a lot of rain.  There for a while, though we thought Noah’s boat building crew was going to have to put in some serious overtime.

Of note, there are only three more JOWs until I reach JOW #1000!  That’s about 20 year’s worth.

Meanwhile here are some flood-related bits of humor.

The pros and cons of living in a flood plain...

Pro - Fishing from a couch right in your living room.
Con - Your couch doesn't float.

Pro - The trip to the river just got shorter.
Con - Now you can't get away from it.

Pro - Driving boats through the neighbors’ yards is cool.
Con - Dodging bullets for making waves in their kitchens.

Pro - Great time to wash your house's siding.
Con - Ring around the house.

Pro - Water-skiing in the street.
Con - Fire hydrants are like land mines right under the surface.

Pro - Swim anywhere on hot days.
Con - Floating ‘logs’. Toilets can't flush and it's gotta go somewhere.

Pro - Sun-tanning on the roof is cool.
Con – Sleeping up there sucks like an Electrolux.

Pro - Great way to meet new neighbors.
Con - Their junk keeps floating into your bedroom.

Pro - Washing dishes just got easier.
Con - All the grub is under water, too.

Pro - Good time to clean the gutters.
Con - Nothing else to do till the boat comes back.

Pro - Practice your diving skills.
Con - Breaking your neck on the top of the porch roof.

Pro - You can finally reach those dead branches.
Con - Gotta swim after the chain saw that's floating away.

Pro - You can finally slam dunk.
Con - You have to dive to the basket.

All the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.
* Hurricane tried to blow the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.

* Mudslide let it slip away
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a deep impact.
In the end, Avalanche won by a landslide.

A catastrophic math joke

After the great flood, Noah begins unloading the ark, and instructs the animals to "go forth and multiply!"

Once most of the exodus has completed, he noticed a pair of adders in the back looking rather distraught. "What's the matter?" he asked them.
"We're only adders, we can't multiply!" said the snakes.
Thinking quickly, Noah dashed off into the forest, and returned a short time later carrying a felled tree over his shoulder. After flattening the sides, he placed it on the ground next to the adders, and said "Here's a log table, now even adders can multiply."

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Why do you have to act quickly during a flood?

Because it's an emergent sea.

A reporter in Houston asked a woman how many churches were open during the flood

She said; "I don't know; we prefer to eat at Popeye’s."

Anheuser Busch is using a Georgia brewery to can fresh water for flood victims in Texas.

They're labeling very clearly so people don't confuse it with Bud Light

A new study proves that beavers cause extensive flooding

I've read it. The evidence against them is damning.

Reports of terrible flooding in Pakistan

Authorities fear it was the work of a suicide plumber

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A woman and her neighbor are on her roof in Houston waiting for rescue

While they're waiting, the neighbor notices a baseball cap floating through the flood waters. Suddenly, to her surprise, the baseball cap turns around and starts floating the other way. After going some ways, it turns around and floats back again. She observes this going on for some time, back and forth in a pattern, until she decides to point it out.
"Do you see that baseball cap? Isn't that the strangest thing you've ever seen?"
"Oh, that?" replies the woman. "That's my husband. I told him he's mowing the lawn today come hell or high water."

^^^^^^^^^^^

A man is interviewed after his wife was swept away in a flood. The reporter asks "Were you close with your wife?" He responds, "No, we drifted apart recently."

++++++++++++++

A couple of guys were rescued from the flood hanging onto a case of A & Root beer.  When asked why they chose that as a makeshift raft the men shrugged and said, “Root beer floats.”

And finally, a leftover dog joke from last week.
God was relieving St. Peter at the Pearly Gates one day when 2 dogs and a cat arrived.
God said to the first dog, a Labrador, "Why should I allow you into heaven?"
The dog replied "I believe I should come in because I was a loyal dog to my master. I drowned after I had saved his baby son in a flood"
"Excellent" replied God, "You can now enter"
"And why should you be allowed into heaven" God asked the second dog.
"I believe I should get in I was a police dog and died in the line of duty protecting civilians during a hostage siege"
"You most certainly have earned entry to heaven" said God.
God then turned to the cat and asked "Why should you be allowed into heaven"
The cat replied "I believe you're sitting in my chair"