My JOW is a bit later than usual this week because I have been visiting friends and family in Colorado. I used to be pretty active here in the mountains, but these days I see people out there climbing mountains and doing all those exciting things like ziplining and here I am feeling good about myself, because I managed to get my leg through my underwear without losing my balance. Here are a few jokes starting with some ones that are mountain related.
Mountain
riddles
Why did the girl break off it with the mountain climber with frostbitten feet?
She
was lack-toes intolerant.
What
did the climber call his son?
Cliff.
Why
do mountains get so big?
They
have no natural predators.
What world-famous group has four guys that don’t even sing?
Mount Rushmore
What
do you call a mountain goat with a fear of heights?
A
goat
do
you call an amazing day up a mountain?
A
peak experience.
Why
didn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a mountain?
Because
she was wearing mittens
What
is the most dangerous type of cloud in the mountains?
Cumulo
granite
Did
you hear about the pilot that flew in to a mountain?
He
had a bad altitude.
What
do you call a paper airplane that doesn’t fly?
Stationery.
Some
deep thoughts
Up
the mountain, a Japanese asked the wise man: "Master Akira, why does every
westerner think that we Japanese all look alike?"
"I
am not Master Akira."
Time
is like a mountain. It is very difficult
to budget
Never
forget how beautiful the mountains are. You don’t want to take them for
granite.
I
like mountains.
But
volcanoes are ash holes.
I
used to be afraid of rock climbing…
But
now I’m feeling a little boulder.
Two
mountaineers pass a crevasse during a mountain tour. One climber says to the other: "My
travel guide fell into this crevasse last year."
The other mountaineer says: "That is terrible!"
The first mountaineer replies: "No, it was already very old anyway, and
besides, some pages were missing."
A
Swiss mountain guide gave his tourists the final instructions on how to behave
when climbing the Matterhorn.
"So
when crossing from the summit ridge to the Hörnligrat, you have to take good
care that you don't slip. If a mishap should still happen to you, then look to
the left after about 100 meters of free fall and you have a fantastic view of Dufour
peak on the way down."
A
Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the
slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After a few whiskeys,
he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall.
He
asks the bartender, "What the hell is that?"
The bartender replies, "It's a moose."
The Scottish chap is aghast, "Good Lord!! How big are the cats?"
And
now for something completely different
A
journalist asked a Russian soldier
‘How is life in Russia?’
‘I
can’t complain,’ replied the soldier
A
king and queen walk into a casino bar.
The
bartender says, “Sorry, you’re not 21.”
I
had to stop my origami classes.
There
was just too much paperwork.
There’s
no point adding an extra ‘s’ to the end of the word ‘needles.’
It’s
needless.
I
was gonna tell a joke about a broken clock…
But
it’s not the right time.
I
thought I managed to fix my friend’s broken microphone.
Still
waiting for some feedback.
My
favorite superhero is Typo Man.
He
writes all the wrongs.
My
friend asked me to finish his drawing of a bird. He had already drawn the head,
chest and legs.
To
be honest, I just winged it.
I
hate it when I see an old person…
And
then realized we went to high school together.
Two
unwritten rules of life.
1.
2.
Did
you hear about that semi-colon that broke the law?
He
was given two consecutive sentences.
Following
the protests, Iran has announced a controversial move to reopen outdoor markets.
Experts
have described the move as a bazaar decision
The
Mafia don of a city dies. His family held a public funeral allowing friends
family and enemies to come and pay their respects.
They
take it in turns to come up take a handful of earth to scatter and say a few
words.
The
chief of police takes a handful of earth; scatters it then turns away crying.
The
Mafia don’s family turn to each other asking why the police chief was so upset,
until
a
journalist attending pipes up: “The police chief is upset because he’s got the
dirt on him now but never could while he was alive.”
In
Korea, a man avoided military service every year by failing his health test.
Since he was in perfect health, the official in charge of conscription asked
him how he avoided military service.
The man replied, “Why, I don’t know. I always bet the doctor $500 that I’ll
pass my medical test, but he always fails me for some reason.”
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