Dog Days Again JOW #1293

Every year during the Dog Days of summer I try to send out jokes about our canine companions.  I like dogs.  In fact, I think that the secret to life is to handle every situation like a dog: If you can’t play with it, eat it, or bury it; just pee on it and walk away.  I hope these jokes cause you to wag your figurative tail a bit.

 

Dog Riddles

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose?

A collie-flower

 

What do you call a dog who likes baths?

A shampoo-dle.

 

What to a call a very small dog with a very big bark?
A “sub-woofer.”

 

Why are dogs afraid to go to space?

Because of the vacuum

 

Why can’t humans hear dogs whistle?

Because dogs can’t whistle.

 

How do dog catchers get paid?

By the “pound.”

 

Why do all hot dogs look the same no matter where you see them?

They’re in bread

 

Why are border collies such good listeners?

Because you can tell they really herd you.

 

What’s a herding dog’s favorite game?

Hide and sheep.

 

A police man with a sniffer dog came up to the druggie and said, "This dog tells me you're on drugs.''

The druggie said, "I'm on drugs? you're the one talking to dogs."

 

Dogs might be “man’s best friend” but cats won’t show the cops where your drugs are.

 

In America, dogs are K9...

In China, dogs are E10.

 

What are your dog’s names?"

"Calvin and Klein"
"Like the underwear?"
"They are boxers."

 

I have a smart dog. 

I asked my dog what’s two minus two.

He said nothing.

^^^^^

Once upon a time, a palace minister served a despotic king.  The minister gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all, so he ordered that the minister to be thrown to a pack of fierce wild dogs.
The minister said, "I served you loyally ten years and you do this to me?”
The king was unrelenting.
Minister pleaded "Please give me ten days before you throw me to the dogs"
The king agreed.
The minister went to the keeper of the dogs and told him he wanted to take care of the dogs for the next ten days.
The guard was baffled but he agreed.
So the minister started feeding the dogs, caring for them, washing them, providing everything for them.
When the ten days were up  the king ordered that the minister be thrown to the dogs as sentenced .
When he was thrown in, everyone was amazed at what they saw.
The dogs were wagging their tails playing with the condemned minister.
The king was baffled at what he saw. ” what happened to the dogs? !!!” He growled.
The minister then said, “I served the dogs for only ten days, and they didn’t forget my service, yet I served you for ten years and you forgot all at the first mistake!”
The king realized his mistake. He then replaced the dogs with crocodiles 

 

And finally:

A Blonde woman is walking two dogs, one white and the other black.

An Old lady walking down the same street notices them and since it's a breed she's never seen before, she's curious and walks up to the woman. "Wow, these dogs are adorable. What kind are they?".

The Blonde smiles and goes "Which one, the white one or the black one?".
The old lady is a little confused by this question since they looked similar, but figured there was a reason. She goes along,

"The White One?”.

The blonde proudly says, "It is a Hungarian Puli".

The old lady continues "And the Black one?", to which the blonde answers

"Also, a Hungarian Puli".
The old lady finds the line of answering a little odd but she's still curious and has more questions, so continues. "Look at that coat of hair. Do they shed a lot?".

To which the Blonde goes "Which one? The black or the white?".

Frustrated a little, the old lady goes along again "The White One?". The blonde chimes in "No, she doesn't shed".

So the old woman continues "And the Black one?".

"He doesn't shed either".
The old lady shakes her head at this but continues her line of questioning. "It must be challenging keeping them groomed. How often do you have to bathe them?". The blonde recites, "The White One or the Black one?".

Hoping the answers are different this time, the old lady plays along again, "The white one".

The Blonde goes "Twice a week.”

The old lady continues "and the black one?".

The Blonde goes "Twice a week as well".
The old lady has finally had it. She melts down. "Why do you keep wanting me to separate my questions when your answers are the same for both of them? It would be different if they were a different breed or you didn't know the answers to one of them because you didn't own them."
Now a little terrified, the blonde goes "Well, the white one is mine".

The old lady, now a little repentant at her outburst, goes "And the Black one?".
"Also mine".

 

 

 

 

An anteater walks into a bar! The bartender, who is extremely famous, asks if he can get him a drink. The anteater responds "noooooo." This surprises the bartender as no one has ever declined a drink before. He decides to ask the anteater if he'd like a basic drink, a rum and coke! The anteater responded "nooooo" once again. The bartender thinks to himself "hmmm, maybe this anteater doesn't like alcohol," so he offers the anteater a water. The anteater responds "noooo." The bartender is very curious with the anteaters answers and asks the anteater "why the long no's?"