Toothful JOW #1295

 

I am getting oral surgery today so dental matters are on my mind, or should I say, in my head.   I know a fair number of jokes about dentists and thought I would share them with you this week.  I hope you enjoy them.

 

Some dental riddles

 

What did the lawyer say to the Dentist?

"Do you promise to take the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?"

 

What did the lawyer demand before the dentist worked on him?
A retainer.

 

If a kid has 25 candy bars and they eat 22 of them, what do they have?

Cavities.

 

What award did the dentist win?

A little plaque.

 

What’s the dentist’s favorite kind of dinosaur?

A floss-iraptor.

 

Why did the dentist and the manicurist break up?
They fought tooth and nail.

 

Why do social justice warriors hate dentists?

Because they make teeth straight and white.

 

How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?

The drill slipped.

 

Patient: How much does it cost to have a tooth pulled? 

Dentist: $100. Patient: All that for only a few minutes of work? That’s expensive. 

Dentist: Don’t worry, I can pull it out slower if you’d like.

 

My dentist said my teeth were stained and then asked me "Do you smoke or drink coffee?"

I said ... "I drink it"

 

Until it came out in conversation, no one knew he had a loose crown.

 

I referred to my dentist as an orthodontist by mistake.

It was acci*dental*.

 

Patient: How much does it cost to have a tooth pulled? 

Dentist: $100. 

Patient: All that for only a few minutes of work? That’s expensive. 

Dentist: I can pull it out slower if you’d like.

 

A little girl was talking to her dad about what she wanted to be when she grew up. She was thinking about either becoming a heart doctor or a tooth doctor.

“Dentist,” said her father.

“Why?” the little girl asked. “

“We only have one heart, but we have 32 teeth.”

 

A dentist in my town just got arrested for selling drugs!

It's amazing what secrets people can keep. I've been going to him for over ten years and I never knew he was a dentist.

 

Once upon a time there were two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off
his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes
a nap. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted.
About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious
and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical.
They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is off.
The dentist wakes up to a knock on the door. At first, he ignores it, but the knocking continues. Eventually, he resolves to get up and yell
at the person at the door. When he does, he reveals--- the grim reaper. He is just as he appears in movies; a full skeleton underneath a tattered cloak.
The grim reaper swears. "Oh no, wrong brother! This sometimes happens with identical twins".
"What do you mean?" asks the dentist.
"Well... if you must know, your brother was in a critical car accident, and I've come to take him to the underworld. I'm afraid his time on Earth has ended.
I'll take my leave now."
The dentist is obviously upset. He says "Wait! Isn't there some way I can challenge you for my brother's life? After all, YOU made the mistake. Certainly
there must be a way I can bargain for his life."
The grim reaper asks "What do you have in mind?"
The dentist thinks. "How about a challenge? If I beat you, you let my brother go free."
The grim reaper laughs. "I will beat you in any challenge. What challenge do you propose?"
The dentist smiles. "I propose we see who has the cleanest teeth. Five minutes of brushing each, then we decide."
"Very well" says the grim reaper, who makes his way to the bathroom.

Once there, he pulls back his tattered cloak to reveal his skull. It's glistening. He takes a toothbrush from the bathroom, loads it with toothpaste, and
brushes. After five minutes, the shiniest teeth anyone has ever seen glisten and make the room bright.

The grim reaper grins. "You are foolish human. But you are entitled to your chance."
The dentist takes another toothbrush, loads it with toothpaste, and starts brushing like a madman. When his five minutes are up, he spits out the paste. He
smiles.
It's unbelievable.
The shine from the dentist's teeth is so beautiful that he can see the grim reaper's reflection in his perfectly clean teeth.
The winner is obvious. The grim reaper hangs his head in shame. "You win, human. This time. Your brother will live." He disappears in a puff of smoke.
At the same instant, the bed-ridden brother wakes up in the hospital. Not only is he uninjured, but he also seems perfectly healthy. Suddenly, the phone by his
bed rang. It's his brother, the dentist. He picks up. "Hey bro. You'll never believe what happened. Apparently, I went out to the market and got hit by a car. They say I almost died."
The dentist smiles on the phone and replied "That's interesting, bro. Today you might say that I also had a brush with death."