What
with all the support we (well everyone except the current administration) are
providing the satirical magazine ‘Charlie’ these days I thought I might tempt
the wrath of Allah and provide some Islamic jokes. They are hard to find. Apparently the Prophet did not have much of a
sense of humor. I do find it telling
that ‘Charlie’ could not be published on most American university campuses
because their humor (which mocks everyone) is viewed as “hate speech”; that definition
makes censorship okay. So here in the
U.S. we do to ourselves what took Muslim AK-47s to do in France.
But
enough politics, on to the humor.
How
does every Muslim joke begin?
By
looking over your shoulder.
____________________
Arab
scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire
country back to the Seventh Century.
They’re
calling it ‘Islam’.
++++++++++++++++
Iran
claims to have launched an Islamic rocket onto Moon.
News
on Iranian state news channel reported, “Water found on Moon”.
News
on CNN:”Iranian rocket found in Arabian Sea”.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
An amateur group of Islamic film makers in Britain have
posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ. It is so offensive that BBC reported that St
Peter's church in Shrewsbury have postponed their tea and cake morning until
next Wednesday, and Dorothy Green from Margate has written a letter of
complaint.
When will the madness end?
When will the madness end?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Then
there is the new Islamic inflatable sex doll: she blows herself up.
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Did
you hear the one about the Muslim who won a Nobel Prize in Physics?
Neither did I.
Neither did I.
Okay,
I better let some of the other religions have their turn:
I know three fundamental truths about religion:
Jews don't recognize Jesus as the Son of God,
Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the Vicar of
Christ,
and Baptists don't recognize each other at the bar on
Saturday nights.
===================
===================
A
Rabbi and a Priest buy a car together and it's being stored at the Priest's
house. One day the Rabbi goes over to use the car and he sees him sprinkling
water on it. The Rabbi asked, ''What are you doing?'' The Priest responded,
''I'm blessing the car.''
So
the Rabbi said ''Okay, since we're doing that....'' and takes out a hacksaw and
cuts two inches off the tail pipe.
……………………………….
A Priest and a Rabbi were eating together when the
priest started to tease the Rabbi.
”Wow, this ham is really good” he said licking his lips.”I
know it’s against your religion, but when are you going to break down and
finally have some.”
After a moments though the Rabbi responded with a
smile “at your wedding!”
**********************
**********************
A priest,
a rabbi, a minster, and a flamingo walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says. “I know, I
know, if any of your flock calls you aren’t here.”
Then
the flamingo says to the others, “If a penguin comes in, pretend you are not
with me.”
========================
A Catholic boy and a Jewish boy were talking and the
Catholic boy said, "My priest knows more than your rabbi."
The Jewish boy said, "Of course he does, you tell
him everything."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
"A
rabbi in a supermarket asks, 'How much is this chicken?'
The
butcher says, 'That's not chicken, it's pork."
The
rabbi replies, 'So who is asking you?'
#############
One
well-known city businessman once met the local priest and told him, "You
probably noticed, Holy Father, that I don't visit the church."
"Yes,
I noticed and I regret this," answered the priest.
"I
don't go to the church because there are many hypocrites there."
The
priest replied, "We can always find a place for one more."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Baptist was counseling a couple who were planning to
be married soon. They were worried about
sinning while having sex.
“Are there any
positions we should not use?” asked the bride to be shyly.
“Only one – you must not do it standing up.”
“Why?”
“It is too much like dancing."
*******************
In Mumbai, a man is going to jump off the building. Up
rushes good Hindu cop to talk him down. Cop yells up to the man "Don't
jump! Think of your father" Man replies "Haven't got a father; I'm
going to jump."
The cop goes through a list of relatives, mother,
brothers, sister, etc.
Each time man says "haven't got one; going to
jump."
Desperate the cop yells up "Don't jump! Think of
Lord Krishna"
Man replies "Who is that?"
Cop yells "Jump, you Muslim scum! You're blocking
traffic!"
````````````````````````````````
````````````````````````````````
A
news reporter goes to see a Jewish man who has been going to the western wall
in Israel to pray once a day for 50 years, the reporter goes up to him and
says, “Hello I’m a reporter for the BBC and we know you’re quite famous around
this wall so we were wondering if we could ask you a few questions.” The man agrees
and she asks, “So we were wondering; what have you actually been praying for
all of these years?”
The
man replies, “I have been praying for peace between the Jews and Arabs and for
all world hatred and terrorism to stop, and for my children and grandchildren
to grown up in a peaceful world.”
The
news reporter says, “Wow that’s truly beautiful, how do you feel after doing
this for 50 years?”
The
man replies, “I feel like I’ve been talking to a brick wall.”
And finally to sum it all up: Religious Shit
·
Taoism -Shit happens.
·
Buddhism -If shit happens, it's not really
shit.
·
Islam -If shit happens, it's the will of
Allah.
·
Protestantism -Shit happens because you
don't work hard enough.
·
Judaism -Why does this shit always happen
to us?
·
Hinduism -This shit happened before.
·
Catholicism -Shit happens because you're
bad.
·
Hare Krishna -Shit happens rama rama.
·
T.V. Evangelism -Send more shit.
·
Atheism -No shit.
·
Jehova's Witness -Knock knock, shit happens.
·
Hedonism -There's nothing like a good shit
happening.
·
Christian Science -Shit happens in your
mind.
·
Agnosticism -Maybe shit happens, maybe it
doesn't.
·
Rastafarianism -Let's smoke this shit.
·
Existentialism -What is shit anyway?
·
Stoicism -This shit doesn't bother me.
