Gender Conflicted JOW #1284

 Some current claims notwithstanding, there are definite differences between women and men and these differences are a rich ground for humor.  Here are a few jokes on the topic of gender conflict.

Behind every angry woman is a man who has no idea what he did wrong.

Men: Don’t try to understand women.  Women understand women and they hate each other.

·        What do you call a man who lost all his intelligence? A widow.

·        What’s the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds mature.

·        Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

·        Why are men like parking spaces? The good ones are always taken.

·        What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.

·        What do you call a woman who lost all her intelligence? A widow.

·        Why don’t women need watches? There’s a clock on the stove.

·        Why do women have cleaner minds than men? They change them more often.

·        What’s the difference between a man and a parrot? You only have to tell a parrot something once.

·        What’s the difference between a man and a loaf of bread? Bread is usually good for something.

·        What do you call a man who opens the car door for his wife? A chauffeur.

·        What’s the difference between a woman and a computer? You can hit “escape” on a computer.

·        What’s the difference between a man and a battery? A battery has a positive side.

 

Friendship between women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship between men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

Some quick ‘Karen’ jokes.  Note:  Not all Karens are female.

Karen goes to the psychic...

"Two men, Bob and Carl, both want to marry me. Who will be the lucky one?"
"You will marry Bob. Carl will be the lucky one."

 

A group of dogs is a pack. A group of crows is a murder. What is a group of Karen's?

A Homeowners Association.   Or a migraine.  

 

I think we should stop turning normal names like "Karen" into slurs

It's a real Dick move.

 

A man and woman were married for many years.

Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he suddenly died. After the burial, his wife’s neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife said, " Let him dig. I had him buried upside down...and I know he won't ask for directions."

 

A man and his 13-yr old son are in the pharmacy when his son sees the condom display

"Dad", the son says, "what are those for?
"Well, those are for when a man and woman love each other and want to have safe intercourse.
"Oh", the son says, "Why do they have a three-pack?"
"That's for a college junior: one for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday morning".
"And why do they have a 6-pack?"
"That's for college seniors: two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday Morning."
"And why do they have a 12-pack?"
"Well, that's for married men...
one for January, one for February..."

 

Man and woman are out on a dinner date.

Waiter: "What will you be having tonight ma'am?"
Woman: "I'll have the salad, no nuts please."
Waiter: "Of course."
Man: "But it didn't say it had nuts."
Woman: "I'm allergic, so I tell them just to be safe."
Man: "That makes sense."
Waiter: "And for you, sir?"
Man: "I'll have the steak, no bees please."

 

A man and woman had been married for more than 50 years.

They had shared everything. They talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $500.
He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two of the precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with Happiness.
'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all this money? Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'