Robotic JOW #1285

 We are not evolving upward.  Thanks to modern technology, we now have an system that fits in a pocket that allows us to access the entirety of information known to humans.  People use it to watch cat videos and to argue with strangers.  Fifty years ago, a car owner’s manual showed you how to change the points and condenser on your car.  Today they warn you not to drink the contents of the battery.  Our species is doomed.  Fortunately, we have developed some pretty smart robots who can take over.  Perhaps whether we want them to or not….

While we wait for the outcome here are a few jokes, some of which are about robots.

 

Why did the robot cross the road?

It was programmed by the chicken.

 

A robot tried to rob a bank but was caught when its battery died.

Police have no plans…to charge the suspect

 

I just saw a robot charging itself

It was re-volting!

 

Who is smarter, a robot maid or a robot MD?

A robot maid, because she's got her AI.

 

What sound does a robot frog make?

Rivet, Rivet

 

What’s a steel robot’s favorite type of music? 

Heavy metal

 

What do you call a sentient robot pirate?

Aaarrgh-tificial intelligence, me matey!

 

And what said sentient robot in Star Wars name be?

Aaarrrgh2D2

 

What would you call a Texas robot?

Tex Mechs

 

They have brought in artificial intelligence to help solve special victims’ crimes. 

They are going to call it SVUAI.

 

And then there is the designation for ‘different’ intelligent robots: LGBITAI.

 

The Iron Giant robot was sworn to protect the people of the town of Rockwell.

One day when it was raining some of the screws in one of his knees got rusty and fell off causing one of the legs to collapse. When the leg failed, the Iron Giant fell and crushed many buildings in Rockwell, the place it was meant to protect.
Oh, the iron knee!

 

A robot walks into a bar. The bartender asks,

"What'll ya have?"
The robot says, "Well, it's been a long day and I need to loosen up. How about a screwdriver?"

 

Here are some non-robot jokes:

 

The government will no longer be making pennies.  As far as I am concerned the government hasn’t been making cents for a long time.

 

Learn to speak bureaucraticspeak.  Don’t say, ‘I told you so’. Instead try ‘This was identified early on as a likely outcome.’

 

A man got a wish from a genie.  He just wished he could be happy.  Now he is working in a mine and living in a cottage with six other dwarves. 

 

For most people when you lose your khakis you have misplaced you pants.  Except when someone loses their ‘khakis’ they can’t start their car.

 

Knowing your wife is wrong is one thing.  Proving she is in the wrong is just stupid

 

Some personal observations:

 

I had some old lettuce in the refrigerator that had gotten brown and soggy.  Cookies don’t do that.

 

I went to the Oreo website and clicked ‘accept all cookies’.  Still waiting.

 

I got a new book: How to Survive Falling Down a Staircase, a step-by-step guide.

 

I just ate a delicious plant-based hamburger.  Okay, it was from a meat packing plant, but still….

 

Women seem to like shoes and earrings.  No matter how much weight you gain, they still fit.  I can relate.  I can still fit into my old high school track shoes. 

 

I am wearing a pink tee shirt today to raise awareness of people like me who didn’t separate the red laundry from the white

 

Autocorrect has made my writing so much better; I am eternally grapefruit.

 

And a final robot joke

It's a big night for XR-573, the patriarch of the robot family. Not only are all three of his sons going to be over for dinner for the first time in years, but all three of them have brand new fiancées! XR-573 and his wife ZR-271 are both very excited to see their children and learn all about their wives-to-be.
So as they're all sitting around the dinner table, sipping their oil soup, XR-573 looks at his eldest son, 453-WX, and asks him "So, tell me about your new fiancée!"
453-WX, beaming with pride says "Dad, I'm so excited. She's kind, generous, has state-of-the-art processing capacity, and what's more, she's made entirely out of stainless steel!"
XR-573 and his wife are both impressed. "Wow, stainless steel, that's incredible! Well done, son! I can't wait to meet her!"
XR-573 then turns to his middle son, Q79, and says "Q79, what about you? Tell me about your robot fiancée!"
Q79 smiles smugly, and says "Well dad, I'm afraid I've got my brother beat! Because not only does my fiancée incorporate experimental superconductors and wireless satellite networking capability, but she also just happens to be made out of titanium!"
XR-573 thinks this is amazing. "Well hot damn, Q79, I am genuinely impressed! I can't wait to see the incredible children you'll fabricate together!" XR-573 then turns to his youngest son, D7-8902, who has always been a bit of a black sheep, and asks him "Well D7-8902, you've been awfully quiet. Would you like to tell us about your robot fiancée?"
D7-8902 holds up his head proudly. "Dad, my fiancée might not be made of space age materials, but I love her very much. We have a lot in common. But she's made... of iron."
XR-573's circuits practically fry upon hearing this. He stands up, slams the table and yells as loud as his vocal processor will go. "IRON?? Why, she's no better than a common ore!"