Inapporpriate JOW #1300

 Most of my jokes in my ongoing JOW are pretty mild.  Occasionally, I have a slightly spicy one and perhaps one of my jokes offends someone.  Oh, well.  However, I do have stock of jokes that are almost certainly offensive to one group or another. This is not a problem – one of the sources of humor is the shock effect which can be triggered by bad words or toilet humor.  I don’t really have any of that in this posting, but there should be something in at least one of these to offend somebody.  Read and find out; I bet you find yourself laughing at some of them.

 

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A man fell in a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
The man took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
Bubbles was the woman next door.

 

What was the raciest thing said on TV back in the ‘50s?

“You were pretty hard on the Beaver last night, Wally.”

 

What did the deer say when she came out of the woods?
“I’ll never do that for two bucks again!”

 

The gender-neutral term for sugar daddy is glucose guardian

 

Canadians are wondering if the Trans Canada Expressway was assigned USA at birth.

 

Having sex in an elevator is wrong. On so many levels.

 

What’s the difference between virgin olive oil and extra virgin olive oil?
Uglier olives.

 

And is there a grade of olive oil called slutty olive oil?

 

What’s better than winning a silver medal at the Paralympics?
Being able to walk.

 

A little girl asks her mom, “Before I was born, did you want a little boy or a little girl?”
Mom - “I just wanted a backrub”.

 

Mother scolding her toddler who just spit out the French fries he had just put into his mouth:

Mom – “When you have something in your mouth don’t spit it out, swallow it!”

Dad – Looks at mom

Mom – “Shut up.”

 

A husband asked his wife if sex is a chore to her.

'Not really,' she replied. 'Chores make me feel satisfied afterwards.'

 

A little girl goes to her mother and tells her she learned how babies are made. Her mother asks her what she learned.
"A boy puts his peepee in a girl’s mouth, and a baby is made."
"Oh, sweetie!" replies the mother, "That's not how babies are made. That's how jewelry is made."

 

No means no.
Unless she’s dyslexic, then it’s on.

 

You really What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?
About halfway

 

What’s in common between the Titanic and the 6th sense?
Icy dead people.

 

What do you call a boy tree that wants to be a girl tree?  A trans plant

 

I’m fat but identify as thin.  Does that mean I am trans slender?

 

Why do women need a watch?  There is a clock right there over the stove.

 

After some kids changed their gender, they felt no one would look at them.  It was like they were transparent.

 

Who discovered hair on peaches?

Peach’s boyfriend!

 

If you restrain a straight man with a straight jacket, do you restrain a trans by making a tran’s vest tight?

 

Have you heard about the movie Constipation?
It hasn’t come out yet.

 

What do you call a person who dyes their hair red? 

Trans-gingered.

 

If a man hits a woman with his car whose fault is it?
The man.  He should not drive a car in the kitchen.

 

Catilyn Jenner wanted to join a superhero group but could not decide if she wanted to be an X-man or a Trans-former

 

Dickins Hard Cider had a failed advertising campaign to increase their female market.   Apparently, their slogan “Every woman wants a Hard Dickens Cider” was objectionable.

 

If a trans lesbian goes out with a bisexual, are they a BLT?

 

A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, “You have to stop masturbating.”

The man looks aghast and says, “Why?”

“Because I’m trying to examine you.”

 

A salesman knocks on the door of a house and a little kid in a bathrobe with a cigar in one hand and a glass of scotch in the other answers the door.
The salesman says, “Hey son, are your parents around?”
The kid says, “What the hell do you think?”

Two cannibals sat around a campfire.
One said “God, I hate my mother-in-law.”
His friend said, “Well then try the potatoes.”

 

Young well-dressed woman - “How dare you pull me over.  Do you know who my father is?

Cop – “No, just like your mom I have no idea.”

 

A family checked into a hotel.  The father went back to the front desk and asked if the porn was disabled.

The clerk was aghast.  “It’s just regular porn you sick pervert.”

 

Men should relate to the trans movement.  After all we spent the first nine months of our lives trapped in a woman’s body.

 

And finally

A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'"

"'Of course, child,' the priest says. 'What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limit and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you,' she replied.

When they got to customs, the official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
Father replied, 'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused.'

The customs man let him pass.